Stir crazy? Eh... Not really...

Usually after a week of being couped up in a hospital and your home, people tend to get a little stir crazy. Me, I think more than stir crazy, I was just tired of sitting in the same recliner (because it's the only comfortable place in my house). So after much thought and careful consideration (plus the concerned nagging of my father) I decided to venture out of the house today.

First stop: the mailbox. I know, I know, it sounds a little silly but for any of you who know where I live and the way our land is, a trip to the mailbox requires about 2/10th of a miles walk to get to. Not much really, but for someone who just had abdominal surgery this was quite the task. No worries, I made it to the mailbox. My legs were quite weak by the time I got there and it was a little painful getting in the van for the outing my mom and I had planned. Never the less, the journey out of the house continued. Let me just say that as trivial as it sounds, bumps in the road are not very nice... We made our way to Wal-Mart and ventured inside. I was quite proud; I walked from the food end, to the pharmacy / home end, back to the frozen part of the food section and miraculously made it up front to check out. It felt like a lifetime, but I'm sure we weren't in there for more than 30 minutes. Let me just say that by time I got home I was ready for my same boring recliner!

Since I was venturing outside of my normal today, I decided to try one more thing. Not sure if it was a good thing to do or not, but my mom made me between 1/4 cup and 1/2 cup of grits. Ah, the taste to my mouth was delightful. However, it took me over 30 minutes to eat that small amount, and I'm still evaluating repercussions from my "rebelliousness". (more to follow later...)

Now, as I wind down for the evening I share two feelings. Nervousness and excitement. Why you might ask? I have decided that tomorrow I will weigh myself for the first time since I entered the hospital one week ago. The verdict is...

They said it wouldn't be easy...

So, to the dismay of many, when doctors or nurses or nutritionist say something fact is that they usually know what they are talking about. I am "point in case".

I don't think anything prepares you mentally for the journey following an intense surgery like gastric bypass... Trust me, I wasn't predicting this to be a walk in the park by any means. But by human nature we are hopeful, maybe not for the best, but that at minimum the worst doesn't rear its face.

With all of that being said lets look at the past couple of days... I did, what I considered to be, good when I first got home from the hospital. Sipping liquids slowly, very mobile, not much nausea. I was excited because I thought to myself that if we were on a downward part of the mountain, then I would be able to handle things. Apparently I needed a reality check... Saturday afternoon the nausea decided to join me once again. Not fun to say the least. In an effort to try and return to some normalcy I also decided to sleep in my bed as opposed to the comfy recliner in the living room; not a smart move. The reality is that I may be nauseous for another 2 weeks or 2 months. My abdomen is going to take time to heal, meaning it may be some time before everyday luxuries return... But above all, just because the size of my stomach changed, that does not mean that my mindset instantly changed either! Talk about craving things you cant have: peanut butter and chocolate cupcakes with milk (thanks Christina), Italiano foods like pizza and chicken alfredo, grilling out foods like hamburgers and hot dogs, SUPER BOWL food ... (this list could go on for a while) ... No worries, there has been no food consumption on my part in over 6 days. Partly because of the nausea I feel every time I walk near the kitchen, but mostly because I am on a journey that is very important to me.

Sometimes you have to take a step back and evaluate what is truly important. Then lift up your head and continue on your journey.

Trying to remember that...

Every day is so wonderful 

And suddenly, i saw debris 

Now and then, I get insecure 

From all the pain, I'm so ashamed 

I am beautiful no matter what they say 

Words can't bring me down 

I am beautiful in every single way 

Yes, words can't bring me down 

So don't you bring me down today 

To all your friends, you're delirious 

So consumed in all your doom 

Trying hard to fill the emptiness 

The piece is gone left the puzzle undone 

That's the way it is 

You are beautiful no matter what they say 

Words can't bring you down 

You are beautiful in every single way 

Yes, words can't bring you down 

Don't you bring me down today... 

No matter what we do  

No matter what they say 

When the sun is shining through 

Then the clouds won't stay 

And everywhere we go

The sun won't always shine 

But tomorrow will find a way 

All the other times 

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say 

Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no 

We are beautiful in every single way 

Yes, words can't bring us down 

Don't you bring me down today 

Don't you bring me down today 

Don't you bring me down today

and we're out of the gate!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Welcome to the J Stew Journey. In the first (and only) stall we have a 342 lb lonely and heartbroken female with a willing spirit who is passionate about overcoming life challenges.

Can I first say how scary it is for me to officially vocalize that weight to God and every other creature on the planet!!! As I sit here writing journal entry this I am debating whether those dreadful numbers are worthy enough to be entered in such a sacred place. In trying to keep the integrity of this the J Stew Journey alive, I suppose I shall allow them to stay. With that being said - I never want to see those numbers used in that manner ever again!

Let the journey begin!

JStew - January 22, 2011

Some of you may be wondering what kind of journey J Stew is on that has possessed her to start a blog. It's very simple: I'm on a journey to a happier healthier me! Simply put: I had a Sleeve Gastrectomy and Hernia repair on Tuesday January 25th, 2011. This is what I refer to as the beginning of the rest of my life.

Most who know me would agree when I say that I have been overweight my entire life. I can remember stories of how I would be in kindergarten and the teachers would have to watch me closely at lunch because I was eating sugar packets for my meals. Or being in middle school when the real teasing begins because you look different meaning you got picked last in pretty much everything you did. Lets not even talk about high school or college... I'm sorry but people / friends / classmates are mean! People judge you for one thing: the way you look. When you are a heavier person this makes everything in your life seem  more difficult. So what do you do?

For me it was simple. I was tired of being miserable and decided that I had to take my life into my own hands and make it what I wanted it to be. Just because I am overweight and may look different, doesn't mean that I do not have the same aspirations as everyone else out there. So, after time and time again of trying every diet known to man with every exercise plan you can find, I opted for another route towards my happiness: Gastric Bypass, which pretty much brings us up to speed to today.

Surgery, eh maybe not as much fun as one would think... I went into the OR around 7:30am roughly and was waking up around 8:30am in the OR after the surgery. The surgery was laproscopic; I have a total of five incision sites all of which are no bigger than a finger width. Worse part: coming out from under anesthesia, talk about major nausea! Talk about feeling trapped in your own body. From the OR to Step-Down for about an hour, and then to my very nice room which some referred to as the Hilton (although I might beg to differ). The nurses informed my mom that I would be asleep for another 4 hours roughly and then they would get me up and start "walking" me.  Anyone who knows a Stewart knows that we aren't normal people by any stretch of the imagination, so by 10:00am I was up walking around. Crazy? Either that or I had a serious case of ants in my pants. So I spent the entire day getting up and down trying to get comfortable from surgery. Lets just say the comfort part still hasn't quite arrived, but they were able to manage the discomfort by Wednesday morning.  My Dr. came in to see me on Wednesday morning and told me I could go home provided I was drinking water and not getting sick and throwing up. I was super excited and tickled pink to be going home, only I don't think my body was in agreement. Bring on the nausea for another round! Lets just say I didn't go home on Wednesday :(  It's Thursday evening and I have been home since 11:00 am this morning.  Home challenges have included getting in and out of bed, making myself drink liquids to stay hydrated and getting comfortable!

I feel as if I should have prepared a speech to thank everyone who has been there for me and supported me through this journey. First and foremost, thank you God for your hedge of protection that has been around me. Mom and Dad, you both have been supportive and I could not have taken this leap without you both by my side. To the rest of my family: your support and prayers means the most to me! Tania, thanks for taking me under your wing and letting me be a part of your family and bringing me home! Whit, Mean Pam, Christie, Wanda thank you so much for coming to visit me in my Hilton recovery room (and thanks for the Piglet Pam). To every one at work who encouraged me and will be watching over me in the months to come: thank you so much!

So here you have it: the first entry of the J Stew Journey to come!
One step at a time!

Mary and I - Christmas 2010

P.S. - I need my photographer Dawn!