6 Months PostOp

Hello Everyone! I'm reporting live with a 6 months post-op edition to the JStew Journey.


Let's get things started off in true Biggest Looser form with my infamous Allison Sweeney voice. My starting weight was 342 lbs. and my current weight is ... ... ... beep beep beep ... ... ... beep beep beep ... ... ... (insert commercial break for suspense) ... ... ... beep beep beep ... ... ... 239 lbs for a total weight loss of 103 pounds. That puts me at a total percentage weight loss of 30.12% in a mere six months; talk about life changing!


So many things have happened in the past few months and I know that my life will never be the same again! What a journey it has been: from an extremely obese 23 year old who found day to day task challenging to a 24 year old who is still over weight but still loosing and adjusting to a new way of living.


I am still hitting several road bumps along the way. Nausea is becoming a constant factor in my day to day life. Because of this I am finding my diet extremely limited and bland eating lots of saltines! It is also said that absorption of vital vitamins and minerals can be inhibited which is starting to play a major role in how I feel every day. Several of my vitamins, such as B12 and D are low along with my iron; all of which can lead to malaise and fatigue. It is a daily struggle finding the energy to get up and go to work and once my time at work is over I find myself heading straight for bed from sheer exhaustion!


The number one question I am asked on a daily basis is: "ARE YOU GLAD YOU HAD THE SURGERY DONE?". To be quite honest: NO, not right now anyway... My biggest hang up with this surgery is all of the complications I have endured including severe dehydration, nausea and vomiting, gall stones, abdominal pain, anemia, etc...I am extremely grateful for the weight loss, however (as shocking as this may seem) I still find it hard to notice. From a literal stand point of clothes I can see some difference, but from a physical aspect I do not see much change which I attribute to all of the complications.


When its all said and done, I can not undo that which I have already done. Now I must learn to adapt to this new life and be grateful for the blessing of each breath I take.


"The survival of the fittest is the ageless law of nature, but the fittest are rarely the strong. The fittest are those endowed with the qualifications for adaptation, the ability to accept the inevitable and conform to the unavoidable, to harmonize with existing or changing conditions." I'd rather be fit than strong, how about you?

No worries... I'm still here!

Hey everyone! So sorry for the lack of posting on the JStew Journey recently! Life has been really busy lately but I'm excited to update everyone!

In true "Allison Sweeny, Biggest Looser" style : My starting weight was 342 pounds and my current weight is ... ... ... beep beep beep beep ... ... ... (insert commercial break to add suspense) ... ... ... beep beep beep ... ... .. 252 pounds for a total weight loss of 90 pounds and total percentage weight loss of 26.32%! Wow, what an amazing accomplishment in a short 4 month and 3 day time frame. While I still can't personally tell a difference, I am very thrilled with what the numbers are showing!

What a wild ride it has been since that first life changing surgery... From multiple hospital stays, to additional surgeries, never ending testing, to multiple med changes. Not to mention adjusting to a completely new lifestyle which does not revolve around food. There have also been other social changes in my life and even my day to day routine has been changed. Talk about a major learning experience all around!

I'm still battling some nausea issues which is being managed through a new medication and a lack of eating on my part. I find myself not wanting to eat for the simple fear of whats to come after I do. I'm also finding myself extremely tired and fatigued every minute which has been challenging. If I didn't know any better I'd think I have mono but I haven't been kissing any boys and we are currently blaming this on the shock and adjusting my body has gone through in such a short time. Although I currently find myself rather frustrated with my surgeon, I am hopeful that things will continue to improve with time.

They say if you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you wont, you most assuredly wont. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad. ... ... ...Me,  I believe I can accomplish what I set out to do and achieve my dreams!

You Haven't Seen the Last of Me!

I recently heard this song and was moved by its lyrics. They are very powerful and motivate me to push on through this trying time. I can't give up ; I won't give up.  You haven't seen the last of me!

Feeling broken

Barely holding on

But there's just something so strong

Somewhere inside me

And I am down, but I'll get up again

Don't count me out just yet

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

You haven't seen the last of me

They can say that

I won't stay around

But I'm gonna stand my ground

You're not gonna stop me

You don't know me

You don't know who I am

Don't count me out so fast

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

There will be no fade out

This is not the end

I'm down now

But I'll be standing tall again

Times are hard but

I was built tough

I'm gonna show you all what I'm made of

I've been brought down to my knees

And I've been pushed way past the point of breaking

But I can take it

I'll be back

Back on my feet

This is far from over

I am far from over

You haven't seen the last of me

No no

I'm not going nowhere

I'm staying right here

Oh no

You won't see me begging

I'm not taking my bow

Can't stop me

It's not the end

You haven't seen the last of me

Oh no

You haven't seen the last of me

You haven't seen the last of me

3 Months Post Op

We've reached another milestone in The JStew Journey; it has been three months since I had the first surgery that changed my life. When I started this journey 3 months ago I was a 342 pound girl who was running out of options. To date I am 72 pounds lighter at 270 pounds and have lost over 21% body weight and am still loosing.

Since my first surgery I have not only lost a significant amount of weight, but have experienced things that I never thought I would ever experience in my life. I've had surgery, enjoyed multiple hospital stays, seen relationships change, had an unplanned second surgery, found out who my true friends are, been through a battery of medical test, and much more. Talk about a wild roller coaster ride!

Today I had a follow up appointment with my surgeon where we discussed future steps in this journey. I had my second surgery to remove my gallbladder two weeks ago. Since then the pain has gotten significantly better, yet the nausea and vomiting has become gradually worse. So much so, that it has me scared to eat of drink anything for fear of getting sick leading to an extremely weak and fatigued girl. After talking with my surgeon, he decided to switch the anti nausea meds and see if that would help the situation. He also talked about sending me to see a GI motility specialist and we talked about the option of turning the sleeve gastrectomy into a complete gastric bypass. Talk about "Aye Carumba!"

On top of the wonderful health issues, I have the pleasure of returning to work tomorrow. Excited? Not hardly. Unfortunately it is one of those necessary evils in life and the show must go on.  Here's to hoping for an easy, drama free day...

So here I sit; lighter and a little unsure of my life decision. Alas; I must press forward. They say that success is not a place at which one arrives but rather the spirit with which one undertakes and continues the journey. Now all I have to do is undertake and continue on!

Hospital Visit #4

Well folks, just wanted everyone to know that I made it through surgery and was sent home yesterday. Talk about a rough day though... I arrived at the hospital for registration / interview and assessment and not two seconds in the I&S room I started dry heaving - not fun! However, because I was so sick they put me straight back into the pre op bay and got me hooked up on fluids and anti nausea meds. I did have to wait a little while for my surgery because the surgeon had gotten behind, but I was grateful to be receiving meds and be under warm blankets! My biggest concern about this surgery was the anesthesia itself. I did let the anesthesiologist know how sick I had gotten last time and he assured me he was going to do his best to keep that from happening again. I remember going back into the or and then waking up in step down. Thankfully I wasn't so nauseous this time! After about an hour or so they had me get up and walk around and then sent me on my way home to recuperate. 

Now I am sitting at home bouncing from the recliner to my bed because nothing seems to be comfortable! I am not as nauseous as I was last time, but I do not remember being in this much pain either. I am hoping that after a few days, the pain will start to subside and I will be back on the road to recovery again! Until next time...

Round Two!

For the curious minds, lets start this off with a weight loss update! In my ever so infamous Allison Sweeny Biggest Looser voice: My starting weight was 342 lbs and my current weight is ... ... ... beep beep beep ... ... ... 278 pounds for a total weight loss of 64 pounds and a total percentage of weight loss of 18.71%. Talk about amazing! In 11 weeks I have done incredibly well at my weight loss and am hoping to do even better in the weeks to follow.

Tomorrow marks another big step in my weight loss journey as I embark on my second surgery: a laparoscopic cholecystectomy. In laymen terms I will be having my gall bladder removed as I have multiple gall stones which we believe to be the root of my continued pain and nausea. My surgeon is hoping that this will indeed be a routine out patient procedure that will put me on the road to a more enjoyable recovery and journey after my weight loss surgery.

I will be sure to update everyone as soon as possible and share all of the wonderful stories I am sure to have following my 4th hospital stay on the JStew Journey!

Just keep swimming...

What a journey I've been on recently... I can say that after weighing, I am down to 284 pounds with a total weight loss of 58 pounds. That puts my total percentage of weight loss at 16.96% bringing me that much closer to my current goal of loosing 25% of my total body weight.

I am currently waiting to have my gall bladder removed in hopes that this will alleviate some of the chronic pain and nausea I have been experiencing. Unfortunately, I still have over a week to go and I am finding the wait to be quite difficult. It is becoming all I can do to make it through one day at a time. Work is extremely difficult and when 5pm rolls around I find myself in tears and headed for bed. Thankfully I have less than 10 days before surgery and am hopeful for the positive outcome this surgery is going to bring.

They say that to get through the hardest journey we need only take one step at a time; but we must keep stepping! I am reminded of the scene in Finding Nemo where Dori and Marlin are on a journey to find Nemo and Dori breaks out into song  ♪ Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim. ♪

2 Months Post Op (and ready for round two...)

As tomorrow marks the two month post op mark and beginning of this journey I have invited my Biggest Looser's Allison Sweeny voice to join me for this update. "Your starting weight was 342 pounds and your current weight is -beep beep beep beep beep beep beep- 290 pounds for a total weight loss of 52 pounds and total percent weight loss of 15.2%." Yeah me!

It has been a challenging couple of months, but you can see the progress I've made since day one and I assure you all that I am very pleased.  I have met my first goal of being under 300 pounds and am announcing my newest goal. Since reaching my first goal focused around weight in a number aspect I have decided to set my sights higher, focusing my second goal on percentage of weight loss. My second goal on the JStew Journey is to have a total percentage of weight loss of 25% setting my new weight goal as 256.5 pounds. I am hopeful that this goal will be attained and excited to see what new goals I can set once this second one has been reached.

As most of you know these past two months, while proving to be very effective, have also been very trying. It was recently discovered that I have gall stones and will now be requiring a second surgery to have my gall bladder removed. I met with the surgeon today and he is hopeful that this will eliminate the chromic pain and nausea that I have endured for the past few months making my journey that much more enjoyable. The surgery has been scheduled for April 12th and my current focus is making it to that date. While it is still guaranteed to be a bumpy and ill ride, I am anxiously awaiting my second endeavorer in the OR and not looking forward to another round of anesthesia! Once this second surgery is performed, we are hopeful that my journey towards continued weight loss and a healthier me will be one of enjoyment.

I want to thank everyone for their continued prayers and support.

xoxo

Mystery Solved?...

As most of you know, the past few months have been quite trying for myself.  When you take a girl who grew up healthy and happy her entire life and throw her into a season of ill and trying times you are certain to be left with a rather large mess.

I am approaching my two month post op mark and what a journey it has been. I have recently been on a mission to find the source of my continued discomfort during what should be a journey of enjoyment and excitement. After many test and the help of my surgeon we have discovered that I now have gall stones. I meet with the surgeon tomorrow to discuss the laparoscopic cholecystectomy that I will soon be having and the hopes of a return to a happier, healthier self.

While I know I still have a long road ahead, with an added surgical recovery, I am hopeful that the best is yet to come. Until then I am reminded of the story I shared over a million times with my uncle when I was a younger girl called The Little Engine That Could: "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."

and the Saga continues...

No worries folks, I am still alive! Since I am sure you are all relieved, I'll also share a bit of good news with you all. When my journey started nearly two months ago I weighed 342 lbs. After weighing in with my surgeon today, my current weight is 297 lbs! That not only takes me out of the 300's but also puts my total weight loss at 45 pounds in less than two months. Yipee!

Things have been pretty much the same since my last update: nausea, pain, vomiting, exhaustion, etc... I was scheduled for a follow up with my surgeon today where we discussed how my journey had been going thus far. It seems as though I may just be getting the short end of the stick where recovery is concerned, but he laid out some plans for the next couple of weeks in my journey in an effort to err on the side of caution. I will be having another EGD done as well as an abdominal ultrasound where he will be looking to see if I have developed any ulcers and checking to see that my gall bladder is still functioning properly.  Provided he finds no problems with those test, we will continue to "wait it out" and hope that the crummy feelings will dissipate. In the event that 6 months post op I am still having problems with nausea, pain, etc he said that he will be "going back in" to see where the problem lies.

We also are having to address an issue with my iron dropping dangerously low. After having routine lab work done with our hospital PATH screening, it was discovered that my iron is still lower than it should be. I have added more iron supplements to my diet to try and increase this because if it is not brought up significantly I will be seeing a hematologist and receiving iron infusions. Low iron can make you feel tired, fatigued, weak, dizzy, etc. It can also cause a desire to eat peculiar things (such as ice which I have been consuming by the bags) along with pale skin, chest pains and many other symptoms. Couple the nausea / pain / vomiting feelings with the iron deficiency and a chaotic day to day life and you have one drained girl!

I am starting to get the "are you happy you did this / would you have the surgery again" questions and unfortunately I think that it is still to soon to tell. Am I pleased with the weight loss? Absolutely! Was I prepared for this much of a struggle post op? Not hardly!

The Learning Journey...

Let me first start off with the weigh in update: Your starting weight was 342 pounds and your current weight is 302 pounds with a total weight loss of 40 pounds! Since January 25th the percentage of weight I have lost is 11.7%. Talk about success, just don't ask about the ease of that success...

Have things gotten any easier? Absolutely not, no way Jose, not a chance! I am getting more accustomed to the constant sick / nauseated feeling, however the pain issue is becoming greater which isn't helpful.  Top the sick and pain feeling off with the inability to sleep coupled with long demanding days and you have one completely "spent" girl! 

All of that being said, I have discovered something that is becoming increasingly harder to deal with: living in an environment where bariatric surgery patients are minorities.  And yet, even as minorities, it amazes me how everyone knows exactly what you should be doing better than you as the informed patient does... Unless you have been through exactly what I or any other bariatric patient has been through, then you have no right to tell us what we are supposed to be doing every second of the day. While I can not speak for everyone, I can tell you what I need. Support? Yes. Encouragement? Yes. Understanding? Yes. Lectures, overbearing opinions, negativity? NO!!!

What a journey this is turning out to be... I am learning so much about myself, others and life in its entirety.  Here's to continuing the journey and making it out alive...

Another week begins... ugghhh...

Well folks.  Let me start this off in my Biggest Looser Allison Sweeny voice:

"Your starting weight was 342 pounds and your current weight is (beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...) 305 pounds for a total weight loss of 37 POUNDS. That really is quite amazing. I'm sure your journey has been a tough one, but you are on your way to a happier healthier you."

And now in my Friends Character Janice voice (full of the most annoying nasally screeching possible...):

"OOOHHHHH   MMYYYYYY  GGGOOOODDD.  A  A  A  AA H  AA  AH  A  A  A."

Let me assure you, unfortunately this ride has not gotten any easier. I still live on meds for pain and nausea and dread long days, especially those at work (no offense).  And lets not forget that I am an emotional basket case, but then again I'm pretty sure I was that before surgery so... Just trying to take life minute by minute.

"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time."

One Month Post Op

Ladies and Germs - we have reached the one month anniversary of my life changing journey. I cant believe I have made it this far. Can I just say that this month has felt like a lifetime.

Highlights of the month include: SURGERY which is where the journey began. After a couple days in the hospital recovering I was able to venture home to continue my recovery which unfortunately was with insufficient fluid intake.  Thus leading to my 2nd hospital stay for dehydration where I was graciously hydrated and at times felt like I was drowning.  Next step in the journey was back to the house equipped with a PICC line and instructions to drink drink drink! Several days passed leading to another visit with the surgeon who reassured me that with time things should get better and released me back to work with restrictions. Going back to work has definitely been the biggest challenge, hands down! Top it all off with more fluids and an infected PICC line and you have one heck of a ride.

Here I sit one month later, 35 pounds lighter, and completely drained of all energy and emotion.

¡Ay Caramba!

Roller Coaster Rides...

When I was a little girl I was always afraid to ride roller coasters. I'm not sure why I was frightened, but you couldn't offer me enough money to get on one. Unfortunately, the roller coaster of life is not quite as forgiving. You have to either ride or get off...

Talk about some major ups and downs. The past few days I have been battling a fever which as some of you know can drain you dry. On top of the fever, some of the abdominal pain has returned which is making the days seem longer and much more tiring. And lets not forget the chronic nausea coupled with the long days at work. Put all of that together on top of a stressful job and its making for a very very difficult journey at the moment.

Top off the physical roller coaster ride with an emotional roller coaster ride and you've got one complete mess. I'm currently riding the "lets second guess every single thing" ride and for some reason it wont let me off. My head is swarming with questions, concerns and overwhelming thoughts. The difficulty: finding people who can relate. Don't get me wrong, I have great support, its just more difficult when you don't have lots of people to turn to who know what you are going through. Makes the ride that much harder.

Now, the only thing I want to do is crash and burn. Unfortunately I think I am going to get my wish sooner rather than later...

"Life is a series of ups & downs, twists & turns. You can approach the roller coaster of life with arms high in the air; willingly and ready for whatever comes next. Or you can grip the handlebars and fear for your life. The choice is yours."

WHAT A WEEK...

No worries, I have finally found two seconds of down time to update everyone on my continuing journey. To say a lot has happened in the past week would be an understatement...

Biggest step in my journey this week - going back to work.  Was it easy? Absolutely not, no way, not hardly! Long hours, drama, uncomfortable chairs, 20 questions, chronic nausea, sore... I was grateful to be posting this week which did not involve a lot of running around the office or carrying heavy charts as I have not been released for heavy lifting or strenuous activity. Monday, I left and came home in tears because I was so sick feeling a completely drained physically and emotional. Unfortunately I could tell that I was becoming dehydrated again so Tuesday morning I got fluids while I worked.  The routine of getting up in the morning became easier as the week passed.  While dealing with the constant nausea I also was so lucky enough for the pain in my abdomen to return. On top of feeling like you've been hit by a mack truck, the interaction with others can become tiring.  People have lots of questions, work place drama constantly surrounds you, everyone has their own opinions and ways to be critical, and unfortunately aside from one coworker there is no one who can relate to my current journey.  Talk about overwhelming! It definitely was one of the hardest weeks I have had thus far and might not have been the best choice to return this soon.  Success? Failure? To soon to tell? 

On top of feeling so bad, I discovered that my PICC line had become infected. Thankfully two of our office physicians were working at our weekend office. I made a visit to see them this morning as I wasn't sure I should wait until Monday to have it looked at. Verdict: infected PICC line was removed, started on antibiotics and cultures to be dove to see how extensive the infection is.  I simply can't win for loosing....

Now I have finally made it back to my lovely home where I intend to stay until next year.   I need lots of rest, lots of medication and my mommy to take care of me!  Most importantly I need peace; this past month has been super challenging which can lead to second guessing thoughts.

"A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner."

The journey continues...

Well folks, I'm still moving forward. It may be at a snails pace, but moving forward is better than putting this thing in reverse!

Things have become slightly more routine over the past few days. Sadly, I have become accustomed to the constant nausea. I try to keep my surgeons encouraging words in the front of my mind to help combat the yucky feelings; "Hang in there, it will get better!" I've also tried sleeping in my bed some. While sleeping in my bed all night is not a success, I usually can get maybe 3 hours of sleep in my bed before pain sets in. I am also trying to expand my full liquid diet slowly. In sheer desperation for something different I tried a couple bites of fish yesterday and unfortunately was not ready for that. I'm hanging around Jello, pudding, and grits for the most part right now but did go to the grocery store to get a few different things to try including cream of wheat and oatmeal ; we'll see how that goes. Getting the recommended amounts of liquid in has still been challenging, although the actual act of drinking is not nearly as painful as it was a week ago which is nice. On the slightly fun side, one of my best friends did some spring cleaning and gave me two bags full of nice clothes. While I can not wear any of them now, in a few months I am sure that I will be enjoying them. I have two rubber-maid containers for clothes that people have given me that need to be organized and I also need to go through my own clothes and start weeding out things that I WILL NOT let myself wear again.

The biggest adventure on my plate right now: getting ready to go back to work. While I miss my coworkers, I nervous about being out and working for 8 hours a day. I do fairly well now being out for 2 - 3 hours, but anything longer than that and I start going downhill... With lots of advice from my surgeon about certain things to do and how to handle going back to work, I am hoping that taking one step at a time will make this new path in my journey feasible.  I also know that I have support and encouragement from coworkers that will hopefully help to pull me through each day.

Now, I must try to clean my room as I hate starting a work week with a messy room. Other than that, I'm planning lots of rest and fluids for the day to prepare myself for whats to come.

In the words of Chandler Bing "I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name."

I'm hanging in there...

Well folks, it has been 16 days since I went under the knife... What an interesting time it's been to say the least!

I went to see my surgeon today for a follow up appointment. Of course the first thing we did when I got there was step on the scales. And the verdict was: Starting weight of 342 pounds with a current weight of 309.6 pounds for a total weight loss of 32.4 pounds! My surgeon was very pleased, and asked if I was excited about that; I think he was looking for a more excited response, as my simple "I guess so" didn't seem to thrill him. Don't get me wrong, I am pleased about the weight loss; the journey has not been entertaining though. My surgeon reminded me that this surgery effects some people more than others, and I get to be one of the lucky ones that it has attacked.  He assured me that everything would be alright and that I just had to hang in there a little while longer and things would turn around. As far as progress goes: I am moving to stage two of the post op diet meaning I am allowed full liquids. While I am still not at the required 64oz of liquids and 40+ grams of protein a day, my surgeon said it would come with time. I do still have my pic line in because they want to be sure that I do not get dehydrated again and need more fluids. If I do, then they wont have the difficulty of dealing with collapsed veins again, plus I can receive treatment at home if need be. I have also been released to go back to work on Monday with light duty. While it is a little soon and I am not sure that I am ready to go back, it must be done.

Many have already asked me if I would do the surgery over again and can I just say that it is to soon for that question to be asked. My response in this very moment "no way would I do this again". Who honestly enjoys chronic nausea, dehydration, fatigue, weakness...?... While it hasn't been a fun ride thus far, I am hopeful that with time the journey will be worth the ride. Until then, I will tell you all what I told my surgeon: "I'm just trying to chill and stay calm". Here's hoping!

You need WATER to live!

Have you ever been on a journey where EVERYTHING went according to plan? Doubt it! Hence the reason I've been missing in action on this here blog lately...

Main focus point for my absence : WATER (or the lack there of). One of the important things that gastric bypass patients are told to do post op is make sure to consume enough protein and liquids. Unfortunately, consuming anything can be a challenge when your body is on this journey.  Mainly, your body is still in a certain state of shock post surgery and your stomach goes from the size of a football to the size of a small egg. The last thing on your mind is putting anything in your mouth, even liquids. 

I had taken a trip to my office to have some lab work done and wasn't feeling well. I had been feeling nauseous for several days and then started feeling weak and light headed and down right icky. At the advice of concerned co-workers, I called my surgeon and he asked me to come in to his office and see one of his partners to make sure everything was going well.  Wouldn't you know he came in the room to see me and could tell I wasn't doing well and decided that another hospital stay was in order.  I missed my nurses from 6th north tower so much, that I decided to go back and see them. Thats right; I got myself severely dehydrated leading to my second ever stay in the hospital. The goal was re-hydration which was achieved by lots of fluids! As a precaution my surgeon also decided to do a barium swallow test and place a pic line.  No worries, the test (while it was pretty uncomfortable considering how disgusting barium is) came back normal. The pic line was placed so that he could send me home on fluids if needed and to prevent the challenge of finding a vein to stick so many times.  As much as I enjoyed seeing some of my nurses again, this time in the hospital was not fun...  After two and a half days of being in the hospital getting fluids, the on call surgeon finally decided that I could return home just in time for the super bowl commercials and glee!

So where does that leave us on the J Stew Journey?  I have a pic line still in place in case I need to receive fluids while I am back at home.  I have an amazing mom who is doing her very best to keep me hydrated by bringing me clear liquids and making sure I get enough protein.  On Thursday I will be following up with my surgeon for him to make sure I'm on the right path. I also have the best ever home health nurse that a person could ask for; so sweet and caring and nurturing!

And thus, the journey continues...

7 days post op

Alright folks. Today was a pretty important day in the J Stew Journey. Today I decided to do something very scary for 95% of Americans! I got on the scales...

First I should begin by saying that the last time I weighed was Monday January 24th, the day before my surgery. I should also inform you that in honor of my new life journey, I purchased a brand new scale yesterday from the good ole' Wally World. Let's continue; I woke up this morning and decided to "go for it". After unpacking my new scale, placing it on a level surface and selecting my user number I did it. I STEPPED ON THE SCALE! While it is not the same scale that I used at my doctors office, I have been assured that its reading should be nearly perfect. Can I just say that I am still a little skeptical. (since I can hear each one of you yelling at the computer saying "enough already, tell us what it said J Stew, I supposed I'll let you have it in my "Biggest Looser" Allison Sweeny voice). Drum roll please ... ... ... Your current weight is 315lbs for a total weight loss of 27lbs in the past week!

AAAHHHHHH!!! (that's me screaming)

I suppose I should mention my slight melt down yesterday for you to truly appreciate the state I am currently in. As I mentioned before, just because the shape and size of your stomach changes, doesn't mean that your mind changes as well... That being said, I was afraid for my life yesterday (or at least the safety of my stomach). Let's talk about cravings overload; you name it, I wanted it. Fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, home made ice cream, Olive Garden's chicken alfredo with bread sticks and white sauce, asiago peppercorn steak, honey glazed carrots and pecans, loaded baked potatoes... This time, I didn't care what the cost was or what harm it could cause me, etc. NOTHING mattered. I went so far to ask a friend to be my "good food supplier" and investigate what we had to eat in the house that would satisfy my cravings. However, thanks to a nice conversation with my Jillian Gym Food Police Nazi Cindy I was comforted and reminded of the true journey I was on. I listened, and instead of making a mistake, I behaved and settled down and floated off to dream land.

27 lbs! I had to say it again; it just doesn't make sense.?. That was just the push I needed to get through the rough patch I am in. While I am still missing my comfort foods, I am hopeful that with time I will start to understand and know the best ways to respond to the challenges of my journey. So here goes another lap around the track...

Stir crazy? Eh... Not really...

Usually after a week of being couped up in a hospital and your home, people tend to get a little stir crazy. Me, I think more than stir crazy, I was just tired of sitting in the same recliner (because it's the only comfortable place in my house). So after much thought and careful consideration (plus the concerned nagging of my father) I decided to venture out of the house today.

First stop: the mailbox. I know, I know, it sounds a little silly but for any of you who know where I live and the way our land is, a trip to the mailbox requires about 2/10th of a miles walk to get to. Not much really, but for someone who just had abdominal surgery this was quite the task. No worries, I made it to the mailbox. My legs were quite weak by the time I got there and it was a little painful getting in the van for the outing my mom and I had planned. Never the less, the journey out of the house continued. Let me just say that as trivial as it sounds, bumps in the road are not very nice... We made our way to Wal-Mart and ventured inside. I was quite proud; I walked from the food end, to the pharmacy / home end, back to the frozen part of the food section and miraculously made it up front to check out. It felt like a lifetime, but I'm sure we weren't in there for more than 30 minutes. Let me just say that by time I got home I was ready for my same boring recliner!

Since I was venturing outside of my normal today, I decided to try one more thing. Not sure if it was a good thing to do or not, but my mom made me between 1/4 cup and 1/2 cup of grits. Ah, the taste to my mouth was delightful. However, it took me over 30 minutes to eat that small amount, and I'm still evaluating repercussions from my "rebelliousness". (more to follow later...)

Now, as I wind down for the evening I share two feelings. Nervousness and excitement. Why you might ask? I have decided that tomorrow I will weigh myself for the first time since I entered the hospital one week ago. The verdict is...

They said it wouldn't be easy...

So, to the dismay of many, when doctors or nurses or nutritionist say something fact is that they usually know what they are talking about. I am "point in case".

I don't think anything prepares you mentally for the journey following an intense surgery like gastric bypass... Trust me, I wasn't predicting this to be a walk in the park by any means. But by human nature we are hopeful, maybe not for the best, but that at minimum the worst doesn't rear its face.

With all of that being said lets look at the past couple of days... I did, what I considered to be, good when I first got home from the hospital. Sipping liquids slowly, very mobile, not much nausea. I was excited because I thought to myself that if we were on a downward part of the mountain, then I would be able to handle things. Apparently I needed a reality check... Saturday afternoon the nausea decided to join me once again. Not fun to say the least. In an effort to try and return to some normalcy I also decided to sleep in my bed as opposed to the comfy recliner in the living room; not a smart move. The reality is that I may be nauseous for another 2 weeks or 2 months. My abdomen is going to take time to heal, meaning it may be some time before everyday luxuries return... But above all, just because the size of my stomach changed, that does not mean that my mindset instantly changed either! Talk about craving things you cant have: peanut butter and chocolate cupcakes with milk (thanks Christina), Italiano foods like pizza and chicken alfredo, grilling out foods like hamburgers and hot dogs, SUPER BOWL food ... (this list could go on for a while) ... No worries, there has been no food consumption on my part in over 6 days. Partly because of the nausea I feel every time I walk near the kitchen, but mostly because I am on a journey that is very important to me.

Sometimes you have to take a step back and evaluate what is truly important. Then lift up your head and continue on your journey.

Trying to remember that...

Every day is so wonderful 

And suddenly, i saw debris 

Now and then, I get insecure 

From all the pain, I'm so ashamed 

I am beautiful no matter what they say 

Words can't bring me down 

I am beautiful in every single way 

Yes, words can't bring me down 

So don't you bring me down today 

To all your friends, you're delirious 

So consumed in all your doom 

Trying hard to fill the emptiness 

The piece is gone left the puzzle undone 

That's the way it is 

You are beautiful no matter what they say 

Words can't bring you down 

You are beautiful in every single way 

Yes, words can't bring you down 

Don't you bring me down today... 

No matter what we do  

No matter what they say 

When the sun is shining through 

Then the clouds won't stay 

And everywhere we go

The sun won't always shine 

But tomorrow will find a way 

All the other times 

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say 

Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no 

We are beautiful in every single way 

Yes, words can't bring us down 

Don't you bring me down today 

Don't you bring me down today 

Don't you bring me down today

and we're out of the gate!

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Welcome to the J Stew Journey. In the first (and only) stall we have a 342 lb lonely and heartbroken female with a willing spirit who is passionate about overcoming life challenges.

Can I first say how scary it is for me to officially vocalize that weight to God and every other creature on the planet!!! As I sit here writing journal entry this I am debating whether those dreadful numbers are worthy enough to be entered in such a sacred place. In trying to keep the integrity of this the J Stew Journey alive, I suppose I shall allow them to stay. With that being said - I never want to see those numbers used in that manner ever again!

Let the journey begin!

JStew - January 22, 2011

Some of you may be wondering what kind of journey J Stew is on that has possessed her to start a blog. It's very simple: I'm on a journey to a happier healthier me! Simply put: I had a Sleeve Gastrectomy and Hernia repair on Tuesday January 25th, 2011. This is what I refer to as the beginning of the rest of my life.

Most who know me would agree when I say that I have been overweight my entire life. I can remember stories of how I would be in kindergarten and the teachers would have to watch me closely at lunch because I was eating sugar packets for my meals. Or being in middle school when the real teasing begins because you look different meaning you got picked last in pretty much everything you did. Lets not even talk about high school or college... I'm sorry but people / friends / classmates are mean! People judge you for one thing: the way you look. When you are a heavier person this makes everything in your life seem  more difficult. So what do you do?

For me it was simple. I was tired of being miserable and decided that I had to take my life into my own hands and make it what I wanted it to be. Just because I am overweight and may look different, doesn't mean that I do not have the same aspirations as everyone else out there. So, after time and time again of trying every diet known to man with every exercise plan you can find, I opted for another route towards my happiness: Gastric Bypass, which pretty much brings us up to speed to today.

Surgery, eh maybe not as much fun as one would think... I went into the OR around 7:30am roughly and was waking up around 8:30am in the OR after the surgery. The surgery was laproscopic; I have a total of five incision sites all of which are no bigger than a finger width. Worse part: coming out from under anesthesia, talk about major nausea! Talk about feeling trapped in your own body. From the OR to Step-Down for about an hour, and then to my very nice room which some referred to as the Hilton (although I might beg to differ). The nurses informed my mom that I would be asleep for another 4 hours roughly and then they would get me up and start "walking" me.  Anyone who knows a Stewart knows that we aren't normal people by any stretch of the imagination, so by 10:00am I was up walking around. Crazy? Either that or I had a serious case of ants in my pants. So I spent the entire day getting up and down trying to get comfortable from surgery. Lets just say the comfort part still hasn't quite arrived, but they were able to manage the discomfort by Wednesday morning.  My Dr. came in to see me on Wednesday morning and told me I could go home provided I was drinking water and not getting sick and throwing up. I was super excited and tickled pink to be going home, only I don't think my body was in agreement. Bring on the nausea for another round! Lets just say I didn't go home on Wednesday :(  It's Thursday evening and I have been home since 11:00 am this morning.  Home challenges have included getting in and out of bed, making myself drink liquids to stay hydrated and getting comfortable!

I feel as if I should have prepared a speech to thank everyone who has been there for me and supported me through this journey. First and foremost, thank you God for your hedge of protection that has been around me. Mom and Dad, you both have been supportive and I could not have taken this leap without you both by my side. To the rest of my family: your support and prayers means the most to me! Tania, thanks for taking me under your wing and letting me be a part of your family and bringing me home! Whit, Mean Pam, Christie, Wanda thank you so much for coming to visit me in my Hilton recovery room (and thanks for the Piglet Pam). To every one at work who encouraged me and will be watching over me in the months to come: thank you so much!

So here you have it: the first entry of the J Stew Journey to come!
One step at a time!

Mary and I - Christmas 2010

P.S. - I need my photographer Dawn!